yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
