I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
