the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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