She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
