I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
