Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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