i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
