my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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