My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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