Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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