I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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