Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
