So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
