I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
