those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
