his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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