Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
