i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
