So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
