You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
