They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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