Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
