she woke up with a sticky ear
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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