Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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