She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dicks are not precious.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
