just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
