3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
