after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
