Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
