She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
