She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The air was thick with penises
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
