So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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