I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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