don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
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Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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