hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
