I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
