We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
