Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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