so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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