I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize