I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
