So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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