is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
