i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
