is your mom at the bar?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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