I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
