apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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