I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
