it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize