He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
