I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize