i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just puked most of my soul out..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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