hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
