I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
