Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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