you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
