The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
