He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
