Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
