wakey wakey hands off snakey
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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