Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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