So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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