The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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