when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
