His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
