I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
3 2 1 whiskey
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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