While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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