Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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