After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
