dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
