And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
