Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
