lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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