My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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