I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
