Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
