I'm drive I can fine osifer
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
