Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
