Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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