"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
