I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
