He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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