I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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